Being sad is a strange place for us humans. Some of us dwell there longer than we should and some of us run as fast as we can attempting to elude it.
And to be clear, within this post I am talking about the deep kind of sadness that is connected to a life changing situation or a buried trauma, sometimes from generations prior.
Sadness is often driven by grief of various kinds, via the loss of someone or something we love, or being deeply misunderstood, or maybe not being honoured in a relationship, or not having an intimate relationship, or infertility, or trauma, or energetic stagnations from prior generations or maybe not feeling fulfilled. This list of possiblilites are endless and very unique.
Collectively one of our basic human core needs is to have certainty in our experiences, and let me tell you, feeling deep sadness is in no way 'certain'.
The dish that sadness tends to serve up, is uncertainty...and oh boy it really can suck especially if you succumb to the belief that the emotion of sadness might never an end; because in truth, we don't know the end...we don't know the complete story and we don't know when it is all going to change...it is uncertain, and therein lay the gift.
So what if we flip the need to know the end, and in turn begin to accept and trust the process?
Stay with me here.
If we are amidst sadness, where it is dark, and void of joy, what would happen if we just kind of accepted where we were at? What would happen if we just stopped running and sat down in that sad place, gave it all over to the gods and trusted in it, as simply, a human emotional process that had to be gone through, not around?
Deep sadness in it's purest form is strangely private, quiet and binding. Ironically this state doesn't end or release, until we stop trying to fix it.
That's a tough lesson to know, especilaly if we've never been exposed to this style of thinking because honestly who wants to enjoy that mess we call sadness? It's human nature to find a way to make the pain go away.
I believe that when we are sad, and emotions had a voice, they would be screaming and yelling at us to simply stop fighting, accept and listen.
Fighting sadness or suppressing sadness via denial, running and/or use of antidpressant or recreational drugs or alcohol, or any other addiction, does only one thing for us...push our emotions down.
The anti-depressants I had taken for most of the last 25 years were only supressing my own personal deep sadness. I now understand this sadness to simply be a symptom that my body/mind created to help me, not hinder me. This emotional symptom was designed by me, for me, to help me wake up and see that I had to rip off the proverbial bandaid and heal. Was I brave enought?
I'd spent years in psychiatrists and psychologists chairs working from the outside in, rather than the inside out.
(It is my why for becoming a Coach as this work is based on the inner work first, but that is a story for another day).
For most of my life, I thought I was broken and had to take these drugs to be accepted. I thought this was the way for me to finally release that deep sadness that silenced me and kept me from shining my light...with daily tears to fill oceans and a heaviness in my heart, I faced every day with a trepidation of some sort. Until now. I am facing my sadness and sitting in that shitty place and growing up and out of there.
I know I am not alone in my experiences and my deepest hope is that these words give comfort to anyone, someone, that needs to read them. Know that you are heard, just as I feel heard, as you read this.
Trust in the deepest part of your heart, that we are meant to live with joy, we are designed to express, be happy, feel, and move through our dark emotions effectively, not defectively.
Feel and allow your emotions to express themselves, they are a tool, a magic tool that isn't generally taught to us as we grow up, but these emotions are like beacons to alert us to simply be aware that there is something out of balance or something we need to take a look at within ourselves.
Don't push it down, be brave, take time to process your feelings, get messy if you have to and trust in the process.
Written with brave hope.
Listen to LET IT HURT by Rascall Flatts
Read When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chondren
Read Why by Simon Sinek